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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27258307">Locked out of Heaven</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simpppp_4/pseuds/Simpppp_4'>Simpppp_4</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>haikyuu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:15:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,859</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27258307</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simpppp_4/pseuds/Simpppp_4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Losing him made me lose myself. My love for him was something I’ve never felt before but, I’ll always love him. He’s locked me out of Heaven.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Locked out of Heaven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I was a fool to think that it would be safe for me to love him, a fool helplessly and blindly in love. I let him rip my heart into pieces but, I willingly gave him my heart to do so. He left me and now my heaven is gone. I’m locked out of Heaven </p>
<p>March 12, 2014</p>
<p>“Kageyama!” I sighed before turning to face the male behind me, my permanent scowl very prominent “What?” That’s when I saw his fingers fidget. Was he scared of me suddenly?</p>
<p>“I-I have to tell you something!” He clenched his eyes shut as his face became increasingly red “Spit it out already dumbass.” “I like you!” My scowl dropped as it contorted into confusion. Did I even like him. Sure he’s cute and when he and I fight it’s quite cute- I quickly pinched my self before walking off. </p>
<p>Not yet. Not now. I don’t even know how I feel. I’m so unsure. These thoughts continued on for a week and he never showed up for practice that week. I was still slightly confused about how I felt but, at that point I became a bit more aware. I like him.</p>
<p>Another week went by and he still never showed up. He loves volleyball. How could he just skip out on practice like this? With thoughts dwindling in my head I hadn’t even noticed I had showed up in front of his house. </p>
<p>Should I knock on the door? Oh, what a stupid question to ask myself. I hesitated, really wondering if I wanted to do this. Before I could let those pointless thoughts dwell I finally knocked on his door. My palms began to sweat as I waited and waited.</p>
<p>Finally after what felt like hours he opened the door. My heart fluttered just seeing his tangerine hair. I can’t believe I couldn’t tell just how beautiful he was sooner. I felt my heart tighten once I looked at his face and saw the tear stains. It’s my fault. I could feel it. </p>
<p>“Look i-“ “I don’t want to hear it Kageyama.” His voice was hoarse and quiet. This wasn’t the hinata I knew. It was quit far from that “I just wanted-“ “Please just go away.” My heart tightened more as I was pushed away “Hinata can I just tell you-“ “I don’t want to hear it Kageyama.” </p>
<p>As he began to shut the door I pushed it open before raising my voice “Would you just listen to what I have to say!” “No! I don’t want to be around you!” I watched as his tear began to well up in his eyes. What a shitty person I am. My head lowered as well as my tone “I just wanted to tell you I liked you too.” </p>
<p>He didn’t deserve me. Hell he deserves someone that would give him the absolute world. With that I turned away, walking towards the direction of my own house but before I could get far enough I felt someone crash into my back and hug me tightly. That’s the day we got together. That’s the day when I put my heart into his hands.</p>
<p>May 21, 2016</p>
<p>Hinata had been sitting on my bed as I got ready to go to school. Today was our graduation “You know Tobio you look fine so you shouldn’t keep obsessing with this. We have to leave in twenty minutes.” I turned back and looked at him. A scowl plastered on my face like always “You spent an hour getting ready It’s been ten minutes for me.” </p>
<p>Hinata crossed his arms as he began pouting. We’ve been dating for a year now and I can’t help but to think about how cute he is when he pouts but, I’ll never show him or tell him that “Well bakayama I was trying to look good for you.” I turned back to my mirror to make sure all of my hair was down.</p>
<p>It wasn’t uncommon for him to still call me that name even though we are dating “Let’s go. I’m done getting dressed.” </p>
<p>Our graduation had gone smoothly but now was the hardest thing for us to do. It was officially time for us to say goodbye to our old teammates and the gym that we’ve been using since our first year. I’ll admit that it was hard but it was even harder knowing that Hinata was upset by this.</p>
<p>All of our teammates had shown up to our graduation just to tell us goodbye as well as our old teammates. I’ve always wanted hinata to just be happy. Even though I cause him troubles sometimes I just want him to smile and act like his normal happy go lucky self.</p>
<p>I watched with a small sad smile as hinata told our teammates bye. I had done this earlier since I wanted to be there for when hinata told them bye. Once hinata finished telling them goodbye he walked over to me with tears streaming down his face. I did the only thing I knew to do and I hugged him. </p>
<p>They always said saying goodbye was the hardest thing but I never truly understood that. </p>
<p>September 1, 2016</p>
<p>College began to put a strain on our relationship. College volleyball wasn’t helping the distance that began to grow between us. Nothing was helping. Hell we didn’t even share the same dorm room. </p>
<p>I couldn’t keep up with this and it really hurt to see him become happy. Happy without me. I was miserable and my anger issues became overbearing at this point. I was always angry and jealous. Other people were able to make him happy now and it was just like I was making him miserable.</p>
<p>We didn’t even talk that much anymore unless we were fighting. I couldn’t deal with it anymore so I finally texted him. To which he replied in under thirty seconds. Now all I needed to do was wait until he finally showed up. I could feel my anxiety begin to rise again as I began to worry about how to go about this.</p>
<p>Finally he showed up and knocked on my door. I could feel my anticipation grow as I opened the door. When I opened the door I noticed the lack of color in his face and his eyes seemed almost dull. This wasn’t my normal hinata.</p>
<p>I let him in and he walked in only to quickly sit down on my bed. I could tell he wasn’t doing well “Shoyo are you-“ “mind your own business.” My anger began to rise as I shut the door and walked over to him.</p>
<p>“Shoyo you’re my business. I’m literally dating you.” He stood up and glared at me. I could feel hate radiating from his glare and it honestly hurt “WELL I NEVER ASKED YOU TO HE MY BOYFRIEND. DEAT GOD WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST REALIZE I WAS JUST USING YOU?! WE’RE DON KAGEYAMA!” </p>
<p>I couldn’t even get a word out as he stormed out of my dorm. If only I realized sooner he only wanted to push me away to protect me. If only I was able to pick up on those key signs. </p>
<p>July 1, 2020 </p>
<p>We had finally graduated college and we’re moving up into the big leagues. I had been scouted for a good team and so did Hinata. Even though we ended in a terrible way we slowly became friends again.</p>
<p>It hurt though. I watched him move on to someone new only to break their hearts just like he broke mine. </p>
<p>Hinata was at one of his volleyball matches and like always they were being broadcasted so, I watched it but, something wasn’t right. Hinata collapsed in the middle of his match.</p>
<p>I felt my heart tighten as I watched the match stop completely and the stadium become completely silent. It took his coach a few seconds to realize what happened as well as his teammates but to me, it felt like a century.</p>
<p>When his coach finally rushed over we could all tell something was wrong. Just by his coaches facial expressions. My anxiety began to rise as my hands shook. What was going on with my hinata? Why wasn’t he responding to anything when he was touched by his coach? WHY WAS HE JUST LAYING THERE?! </p>
<p>Tears for the first time welled up in my eyes as I did everything I could to find out what hospital he was in. </p>
<p>If only I tried harder then maybe I could have found him that day. Maybe I could have been there and he could have seen my face when he first woke up. </p>
<p>August 10, 2020</p>
<p>I was finally able to get in touch with his mother after a month and a few days of trying. She was very reluctant to tell me where he was but after I was able to pled to her she finally told me where he was. </p>
<p>I rushed to the hospital he was in with a small ‘get well’ teddy bear in hand. Room 142 read the room that his mother sent to me. As I approached his room I noticed all of the wires attached to him, his lack of color, how skinny he was becoming, and worst of all... how his hair was completely gone.</p>
<p>What was going on and why wasn’t I being told anything? </p>
<p>I walked into his room and saw him turn his head towards me “Ah- Bakayama... what are you... doing here?” Every word he spoke seemed to be painful and hard for him which hurt my heart. It hurt my heart more than anything “I... wanted to check on you.” </p>
<p>I slowly approached his bed and set the bear beside him before carefully grazing my hand over his head. The hair I use to be obsessed with, was gone. “Tell me what’s going on... please.” </p>
<p>Hinata turned his head away only to utter out the few small words to me “I’m sick and don’t have much time left.” My mouth dropped open slightly as I sat on his bed. He’s been sick and I couldn’t do anything. “How long have you been sick for?” I noticed a stray tear fall down Hinata’s cheek so, I carefully whipped it away, scented I might break my fragile hinata.</p>
<p>“I’ve... know since... first year of... college.” Thats when it clicked in my head “Hinata you can’t leave me... I won’t let you.” My worst fears were becoming a reality and there was nothing I could possibly do. </p>
<p>My heart hurt more than it’s ever hurt before. I was losing my first and only true love “I have... to go. Tobio... find someone... who can give you... the world and... so much more.” </p>
<p>This just wasn’t fair. Why did he have to leave? Why not me? “I’m not letting you do this by yourself. I’m going to be by your side until the very end. You’re the only thing that matters to me and... if you must leave me then at least let me love you until the end.” </p>
<p>Hinata nodded as tears fell slowly from my eyes as well as his. I’m taking a walk with a sick person and I’m okay with that.</p>
<p>Days became weeks and weeks became months well two short months that is. The night before Hinata’s contrition went on a spiral down and things weren’t looking good for him. </p>
<p>My sunshine was loosing his shine so very fast and it hurt to watch. My hinata was eventually going to leave me and I accepted that.</p>
<p>I had shown up to the hospital that morning and went to visit him. They were able to stabilize him after a few short hours which helped to make things seem like they were getting better. </p>
<p>I walked into Hinata’s room only to feel my heart being ripped out of my chest. They told me he was bad but I didn’t know he was this bad. He had lost his ability to speak once he lost his ability to breathe.</p>
<p>That happened last night. So, this was all knew to me and honestly it hurt more than i was expecting. Though I didn’t what I normally did and I sat next to his frail body to which he got as close as possible. </p>
<p>This moment really made me feel like maybe he was going to be okay. I spent the whole night there with him only to wake up to his heart monitor going off. </p>
<p>I quickly jumped out of his bed as the doctors ran in to try and bring him back. Deep down I knew he was gone. I knew it but I didn’t want to accept it. This went on for forty five minutes. </p>
<p>They did everything they could and he just wouldn’t come back. I think that day Hinata knew he was leaving which is why he tried to stay as close to me as he could. I had walked back into the room which laid Hinata’s cold and stiff body.</p>
<p>I grabbed his hand as I fell to my knees. I cried, I sobbed. I blamed myself for not trying to stay with him through college. For not giving him more happiness. My home had been ripped away from me much like my heart had been. </p>
<p>After at least an hour I finally left only to be stopped by a nurse “He wanted me to give this to you once he passed.” I nodded, my eyes were bloodshot and for the first time I was numb. I was left again. Just like everyone else has done he finally left me.</p>
<p>I walked home with a heavy heart that day. If I could have done anything differently, I would have been not holding him tighter and telling him that I loved him. Not showing him how much he meant to me. </p>
<p>October 15, 2020 </p>
<p>I never really knew what Hinata was suffering from but I finally found out. He was suffering from stage four lung cancer. He was going to die regardless of all of his medication that he was on.</p>
<p>That day I sat on the side, watching as those who never even came to visit him when he was in the hospital came to see him laying his his casket. All stiff and lifeless. </p>
<p>This continued on for a few minutes before two familiar people walked up to me Daichi and Sugawara that’s when I noticed everyone else standing behind them. I could see the pain in their eyes and it honestly hurt me even more. I stood up but was quickly engulfed in a hug. </p>
<p>I’ve never cried in front of them but I finally broke. I cried. I cried until my heart felt some type of relief though, it was short lived when I was his little sister walk up to his casket. Her black little dress and her tear stained face looking at her lifeless brother.</p>
<p>That’s the day I will never forget. Her ear piercing scream and sobs as she was brought outside. I guess we were all struggling. In some way or another.</p>
<p>I was the weird one who didn’t cry once the ceremony and burial took place. All I could think about was the happy memories I had with him and how it was going to be without my ray of sunshine anymore.</p>
<p>I got home from the funeral and finally opened the letter from the nurse that was written in Hinata’s slightly messy handwriting.</p>
<p>Dear Kageyama,</p>
<p>I know you’re probably hurting now but just know it’s going to get better. Remember you promised me you would move on and find someone to love again. That day we broke up, I never meant any of those words I had said to you. I just wanted to give you the chance at a better life without constantly worrying about me. The day I found out I was sick I was so scared and I didn’t know how to feel about it. I just wanted to to be with you until we were old but, I couldn’t make it that long. I’m so sorry. Look after Natsu for me. Look after everyone else. I know they didn’t come to visit me but, I told them not to. It was my choice. I just wanted everyone to remember me healthy and well. When you came to the hospital and you stayed by my side the whole time I felt so lucky. I felt loved and happy. Thank you for giving me that opportunity. </p>
<p>Love, <br/>Shoyo</p>
<p>The tears streamed down my face as I went into my room and took a small box out of a drawer. A small velvet box that contained a ring inside. I was going to give it to him when he was better but I wasn’t able to. So, now I wear it as a necklace. </p>
<p>Shoyo Hinata I am truly locked out of Heaven now that you’re gone but, when I close my eyes I can feel your touch. </p>
<p>“I love you and I’ll be with you soon my sunshine.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m so sorry this was bad and rushed. I wanted to write something to express my feelings so it turned out pretty bad but I might post a better version later on. Thanks for understanding you guys. Also I did get inspiration from ‘In Another Life’ and ‘The Galaxy is Endless’</p></blockquote></div></div>
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